What a Dad Does
This is the FIFTH installment of a series of What a Dad Does articles dealing with the “father who knew how to let go” taken from Luke 15:11-32. To read the first four in the series please go to What A Dad Does and read Volume II Issue 3, 4, 5 and 6 which deal with verses 11-24. Like all blogs, the articles are newest first (reverse order). We’ll pick up the story in verse 25.
"Now his older son was in the field, and when he came and approached the house, he heard music and dancing. And he summoned one of the servants and began inquiring what these things could be. And he said to him, 'Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has received him back safe and sound. But he became angry and was not willing to go in; and his father came out and began pleading with him. But he answered and said to his father, 'Look! For so many years I have been serving you and I have never neglected a command of yours; and yet you have never given me a young goat, so that I might celebrate with my friends; but when this son of yours came, who has devoured your wealth with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him.' And he said to him, 'Son, you have always been with me, and all that is mine is yours.” Luke 11:25-31
Where was this son when his younger brother came home? Was he away on a long trip or tending the sheep on the “back forty”? We don’t know but we can ascertain from the story that when the younger brother came home he wasn’t around. After all once the younger brother came home it took a while to prepare the fattened calf and put on this magnificent party.
What was going on in the older son's mind? Why was he so ambivalent toward his younger brother? Had there been an unforgiven offense prior to his leaving? This type of attitude doesn’t just come “out of the blue.” There must have been a history here, some unresolved conflicts. Who knows when love left the relationship between the brothers? A wise father must be constantly on the lookout for attitudes, conflicts, broken relationships. It’s part of your job, dad. Although we didn’t always do it perfectly, in our home we strove to abide by Ephesians 4: 26, to not “let the sun go down on your anger.” In other words: do everything you can, dad, to help everyone in the family resolve conflicts as soon as you hear about it. Make sure everyone actually and genuinely asks forgiveness and doesn’t just say, “I’m sorry.” This includes you! Be the first to humble yourself. If you do, God will certainly give you more grace (James 4:6); that is the desire and the power to be all that He wants you to be.
Why wasn’t he looking for the brother’s return like his father? Isn’t it obvious that he was all wrapped up in himself? He was jealous; there was a fear of being displaced by his younger rebellious brother. He was too busy thinking how he could get it all; how he could make sure his brother wouldn’t get a thing. In short, he was bitter and selfish. After all he had been “forced” to work the farm by himself. His brother had abandoned the family. Maybe he only stayed home only out of obligation. Perhaps he too had wanted to leave but felt trapped -- that he couldn’t leave or else his father would be left alone to work the farm. After all, he was the first-born son. He had to stay.
Had the father failed to teach some important lessons to this older son? I know I’m treading on thin ice here, since most Bible scholars teach that the Father is God and we are the rebellious sons. But looking at this story from the perspective of a human father, maybe there were some things he could have or should have done differently with this son. He let go of the younger son full of faith but should he have encouraged the older son to leave, to go test his wings, in faith? Surely this wasn’t the first time that the older son showed his “true colors.” Dad, do you have a fully compliant child but notice that there are underlying “attitudes” from time to time? Don’t just fawn over the obedient child. Make sure you know his/her heart. Make sure you get to know his/her attitudes and motives.
I’m not saying that we are not responsible for our own words, thoughts, actions attitudes and motives. Both sons had to take personal responsibility for themselves. Isn’t it clear that the older son was guilty of pride, self-pity, anger, jealously, selfishness and temporal values? Were not these the same sins the younger wayward son had to face up to? The older son may have stayed home and been the model prodigy but on the inside his heart was as black as his brother’s. Dad, you have to look beyond mere actions and words.
Is there significance to music playing? Music is a sign of celebration. Music was often used to praise God and celebrate victory. Some examples in Scripture include Deborah, Merriam, David and the Psalms.
Who would have been dancing? How do you hear dancing? This must have been a pretty raucous party.
What was reported to the older son about the father? Dad is gushing over his returning son.
Should the father have told him why they had to celebrate, before the party began? I don’t know the answer here but my kids have often commented that they were more willing to obey when I explained why we needed to do something; when I kept them informed. I remember, years ago, when I had been “let go” from a company, I shared with the children what had happened and why, including my own failures. Conventional thinking is to keep some information like, “where are we going to get the next meal and how are we going to pay the mortgage?” from the kids; to not cause them undue fear. But I didn’t take that path; I shared with them the gory details. It caused us to pull together as a family. They prayed like warriors and their faith grew right along with their parents. Dad, don’t be afraid the share your struggles, difficulties or plans with your kids. It will help them grow in faith. Someday in the not too distant future you will want them to be able to stand in the face of trials. And it could help them to overcome their own demons.
Were there different attitudes or generosities toward this son? Yes, the law was that he was to get twice as much as his brother.
Was the father consistent with both boys? Is it right to treat all your children the “same”? This is a dangerous credo. We should have consistency in attitude, motive, and grace but not actions or words. God doesn’t treat all of His children the same or even treat me the same all the time. Hebrews 12 explains how God disciplines like a parent; which must be customized by the need of the moment. Romans 9 explains how God has created some vessels (people) for honor and some for dishonor. And I Cor 12 elaborates how God gives various gifts to each of us. Not all are treated the same. If treating all your children the same is your philosophy, maybe you ought to rethink it.
Dad, don’t be fooled by the son or daughter who “stays at home” and appears to do everything you ask and everything right. (It doesn’t necessarily have to be the first born, either). He or she probably has the same stinking rotten values and attitudes under the surface as your more rebellious kid(s). After all we are all ‘sons’ of Adam. You must be on the alert and gently encourage that one to leave at the proper time. I’m not saying kick them out, but isn’t it God’s plan for our kids to eventually leave and be their own persons? We hear all the time about how more adult children are living at home and failing to start their own families. We must do all we can with grace to prepare them to go out into the world to accomplish His purposes; to stand on their own two feet; to be independent (of us) without an independent spirit.
THIS IS WHAT A SECURE DAD DOES!
A while back a friend's wife asked me to prepare some "daily devotional" cards for his Christmas present. She combined my ramblings with cards from other folks and herself regarding fatherhood & manhood for him to read at work each day. It was a great way to communicate a special encouragement from the Lord to a loved one on a daily basis. Since I prepared those few 'thoughts' the Lord has continued to encourage me through my daily Bible reading with many other rhemas (revelations) on this subject. As I began to prepare those cards for her, the first verse that 'jumped off the page at me" was I Thessalonians 2:10-12 (below). In my heart I heard the words "this is what a DAD does". I've continued to look for these nuggets for the few years. My desire is that you continue to grow in your faith and become a master disciple maker, especially of your children. I realize that some of you aren't dads (yet) but someday you probably will be. Get ready now; you will be a much more successful father.
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