WHAT AN OPEN-DOOR DAD DOES - VOL II ISSUE 4

WHAT A DAD DOES                                                                                          

This is the second installment of a series of WADD articles dealing with the “father who knew how to let go” taken from Luke 15:11-32.  To read the first in the series please go to www.whatadaddoes.blogspot.com and read Volume II Issue 3 which deals with verses 11-12.  We’ll pick up the story in verse 13. 

13 Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. 14 And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. 16 And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything.
17 “But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father's hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! 18 I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.”’ 20 And he arose and came to his father.  (Luke 15:13-20 ESV)

At this point we encounter the young man out in the world spending like there is no tomorrow and following his every lust. From our vantage point of hindsight bias he is acting very foolishly.  But when you are the one pursuing everything the world has to offer somehow it doesn’t seem so foolish.   

All of us dads can learn from the prodigal son's dad -- "the father who knew how to let go:"

First and foremost, notice that the father didn’t send out a private investigator or the FBI (Family Bureau of Investigation).  As far as we know the father didn’t do anything to “check up on” his son.  He  didn’t turn his older brother (and for that matter, his mom, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) against him by having him spy on the wayward son.  It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested. Of course he was, but he had a quiet confidence and faith that God was at work and that when the son had “learned his lesson(s)” he would return.  By not checking up on him he communicated that his own security, value and self-image didn’t depend on the son’s obedience. 

Is his father still the authority in his life?  A lot has been said and written about when a father no longer has authority in a person’s life.  I don’t wish to debate that point here. I simply want to point out that deep down the son still wants to please or be in relationship his father. When everything has been stripped away, every person has the innate desire to be pleasing to his father.  This often drives him to look for that approval from others … trying to replace his father with some other man. Ultimately he deeply regrets the way he treated his father (like our protagonist).  When this happens, is the father approachable?  Does he have and “open door?"  The ‘father who knew how to let go’ did.  Like our heavenly father he didn’t pronounce judgment on the son but allowed time for repentance.  If you want to be the authority in your older children’s life, what are you doing to store up that equity?

What is the appeal of reckless living over being at home under his father’s authority?  The Bible says, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child” (Prov 22:15a). And “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can know it” (Jer 17:9).  Covetousness, which is forbidden by the tenth commandment (Ex 20:17) is desire to have the forbidden thing.  In other words, dad, it is ‘natural’, No matter how strict you are with the child, and no matter how much you protect him, he is going to want the forbidden thing.  This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do everything in your power to provide a godly upbringing.  But know this, desire is going to be present. The father who knows how to let go will ‘be there’ with open arms when the young person comes to his senses. 

What lessons had the son learned while away that he hadn't seemed to have learned from his father previously?  He remembered that his father had a kind heart … that his father was always a gracious provider … even to his servants.  The ‘lower’ he got in life, the more humble he became.  Humility always allows God to give us His grace (I Pet 5:5-6; II Tim 2:24-26….look these up and memorize them!)

Why hadn’t the father been able to teach him those lessons?  One of the most important skills a parent can learn is how to take advantage of a ‘teachable moment’.  You can shove a lot of information toward a child but only when they are ready to receive will they actually learn.  You can and should do all you can to teach them -- because the Bible commands it (Deut 6:6-9…WADD Vol I Issue 8). Look for those teachable moments or better yet, do everything you can to create teachable moments. And when they happen out of your control, be there to help pick up the pieces.

How long had the father been waiting? Actually we have no idea. It could have been months or years.  How long is long enough?  All I know is that it is probably longer than most of us are willing to wait. ”I want him to return on my time table”. My Mom became a whole-hearted Christian when I was 12 years old.  She waited 9 years for Dad to bow the knee to Jesus.  I’m sure she was discouraged many times and thought it would never happen.  But I’m so glad she didn’t go by her time table. She waited and in the “fullness of time” Dad was finally saved.  There is a man named Rom Houben who was in a coma for 23 years.  I’m sure those around his family tried many times to persuade them to give up but they didn’t and one day he finally woke up.  Do you have a son or daughter ‘in a far country’?  Are you willing to wait on God’s timing?   

What made him think that his father would receive him back? One of my sons, as an adult, told me that he was always willing to come back to our relationship because I tried to explain "the why" we did or didn’t do something -- not just the command, "you can’t," "you have to," or "because I said so."  Relationship is more important than making a son or daughter do something. Perhaps by your gracious, loving, and patient actions while they are younger they might not stray so far. But even if they do, your actions and reactions can’t depend on whether they do go forth and live recklessly.

Dad, are you abiding in our Father’s grace with your children -- young and old?  “Draw close to God and He will draw close to you” (James 4:8).

THIS IS WHAT AN OPEN-DOOR DAD DOES!