What a Dad Does
This is the first installment of a series on “the father who knew how to let go.” Many of you are familiar with this passage but have known it in the past as the “story of the prodigal son.” I would like us as dads, grand-dads or prospective dads to take a fresh look at the story.
Because there is so much in the passage (Luke 15:11-32), I will be breaking it up into smaller sections to gain a clearer understanding on how to graciously let our children go. Arguably it is the hardest part of parenting. I know some of you have small children but the process of letting go begins at an early stage. You can’t wait until they are 19 or 20. You have to start letting go when they are still in the crib.
“And he said, “’There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them.’” (Luke 15:11-12 ESV)
Here are a few of the questions that come to my mind:
How old was the son? Obviously the son was old enough to go out on his own. Not sure of his specific age but every young man wants to prove he is a man to his father and to himself. The wise father begins early in giving his son opportunity to test out his “man wings” … in a safe setting of course. But know this: he is going to do this, dad, whether you like it or not. So you have to get your heart prepared. What are you doing today with your children to help them become more responsibly independent – to be their own person?
What did the father say to him? Notice that the father didn’t give him a lecture. It wasn’t what he said verbally; his actions spoke clearly for him. He was saying, “I trust you, I love you, and you are more important to me than possessions!”
What values had the father instilled in the son that made him think he had a share in the estate? Of course this passage is showing us our Heavenly Father, but I couldn’t help but think that as our children are growing up what we deem as important, what we spend our time and money on, how we relate to the world around us, these are things that teach our children what’s important to us – what they need to pursue. What are you teaching your children, not in words but actions, Dad? Is it possessions, sports, hobbies?
What judgments did the father pronounce on the son? None! Period! And that’s not the way I reacted when my children started pulling away or when they eventually wanted to leave the nest. For the most part I didn’t think they were ready and I felt it my responsibility to let them know. Obviously that wasn’t the right reaction. Are you pronouncing judgments on your kids who are trying to pull away? Be careful dad. You can ask forgiveness but you can’t ‘unsay’ those cutting words that damage soul and relationship.
What were the father's conditions for distributing the inheritance? None! Notice he didn’t say, “If you spend it wisely” or “if you report in regularly.” There were no strings attached. Can you trust God with your children? This is a real test of faith! Remember, “He who began a good work in them will be faithful to complete it.” (Philippians 1:6)
What do you suppose were his feelings toward his son? Same as you! He loved him and wanted the best for him. He wanted him to be successful. But he knew that God was going to have to grow his son. He knew that his character would have to significantly change and that God was big enough to put him through the fire. (I Peter 1: 7)
Is it significant that it was his younger son who rebelled? Probably not. However, you need to understand the differences in the personalities of your children. You need to understand the tendencies that come from birth order. Have you ever read The Birth Order Book by Kevin Leman? Just like all the other parts of raising a child, letting go needs to be very customized for each one.
Where is the mother? There is no intent by Scripture or me to discredit Mom’s role. However, the Dad sets the stage here. But make no mistake Dad; you need to be talking and praying with your wife as you lead in the letting go process. Are you setting the tone? Are you taking time to communicate and pray effectively with your wife about this important part of parenting?
What percentage of the father's fortune did the son get? Remember that in Jewish culture the oldest son received a double portion of the inheritance. So if there were only these two sons, the younger got one third of the estate. Does it matter the amount? Or is it enough to know that the son had temporal values and pride and that God was going to have to take him through a course in humility?
What do the father’s actions say about his belief system? He had faith – faith in God! He knew that by teaching his sons the Word of God consistently while they were growing up, the son would be okay. Not that he wouldn’t experience pain or loss or foolishness but that God is faithful. He watches over His Word to perform it. Where is your faith, Dad? Do you truly trust God with your children? Or do you feel you have to control their actions? To control the outcome?
The father obviously loved his son and trusted God. It is a love that knows “if I hold on too tightly, then I'll lose him anyway". (Proverbs 11:24 LB) Our goal should be raising sons and daughters who are independent as young adults but void of an independent spirit. Psalm 127:3-4 says that children are like arrows in the hand of a warrior. Real warriors understand if you want to hit the target you have to let the arrow go. Dad, are you up to the task?
THIS IS WHAT AN OPEN-HANDED DAD DOES!
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