WHAT A HUMBLE DAD DOES - Volume 1 Issue 11

What a Dad Does

"Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children [do not be hard on them or harass them], lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. [Do not break their spirit.]"   Colossians 3.21.Amplified

Have you ever meditated on this verse?  I really appreciate the shades of meaning that the Amplified explains.  Have you ever asked yourself, do I provoke or irritate or cause my children to fret?  Am I too hard on them or harass them?  Have any of them become discouraged, sullen or morose (moody; despondent; bitter; irritable)?  Does my son or daughter feel inferior or frustrated?  The truth is dad; you may be a big part of the problem or worse you may be the problem.

I’m sure there are many ways to “break the spirit” of a child.  However, for me there have been three huge areas of failure: anger, sarcasm and not letting them go gracefully.

By far the biggest hole in my armor has been anger.  Although this scripture doesn’t use the word anger it’s pretty obvious most these attitudes and hang-ups in children are most often caused by a dad who has a “spirit of anger”  I’ve certainly struggled with it for most of my life.  Yes, I tried real hard to control the anger and I got such victory in the area that I only “blew up” a few times per month.  I guess you could consider that victory if you used to blow up several times per day.  But releasing the violent storm of anger on children is kind of like a volcano erupting.  It’s massively destructive but if it only happens a few times per month then I guess that’s not so bad, right?  WRONG! God help us with that sort of thinking.  The truth is, only one of these massive eruptions is enough to destroy the spirit of your child.  It is enough to provoke, irritate or harass them, enough to cause them to become discouraged and sullen, morose, feel inferior and frustrated.  Several years ago I was given a message by S.M. Davis, Pastor in Lincoln, Illinois.  It helped me more than any other single word from God about my anger.  I’m sure my children would tell you that I’m not “anger free” but after listening and believing in the Word that Pastor Davis shared things have been much different.  I found I was much calmer in listening, disciplining, problem solving and most of all letting go. Anger didn’t own me the way it had before.  Search your heart…is anger a problem in your life?...even a little?  Great thing is I found that message on the web…you can go click here and listen http://tiny.cc/wtnbf   I pray that you will find the freedom and release I did.  Read through Proverbs again….it mentions anger or hot-tempered man 18 times. Anger should never be an option when dealing with you children.   

The second issue for me was sarcasm.  I asked my oldest son to share his thoughts on this verse.

 “A father can provoke his children through verbal abuse. This doesn't exclusively mean yelling or cussing them out even though that may be factor. Sharp cutting remarks made in the presence of others or sarcastic slices are perhaps a greater level of abuse because it makes the child confused since their father is supposed to brag on them and provide a positive sense of affirmation (emphasis mine).”

“Second, the provoking or irritating is done through perpetually treating the son or daughter as a child, never allowing them to grow up.  In life, in Christ, in nature all things mature according to their species and nutrition. When a father never allows for maturity and even assumes constant neonatal attention or toddler-type discipline the child becomes rebellious or discouraged and no real communication takes place with the father. Indeed no maturity can progress far without the shift from the father giving and expecting decisions, insight and the character of the child to mature.”

That sort of sarcasm is mentioned in Proverbs 26:18-19, “Like a madman who throws
Firebrands, arrows and death, so is the man who deceives his neighbor, And says, “Was I not joking?”.  Ask yourself, “do I use sarcasm with the kids?”.  If you do, ask God for deliverance. 

This second point he makes (above) is so significant…..you have to begin letting go from the earliest age.  As long as you treat your children like they can’t make decisions or have an opinion about things, you wound them and drive them away.  It is possible to hold on too tightly and lose everything.  I have much more to write this subject….it will be a future installment.

So have you provoked your children?  Are they irritated with you?  Do they feel harassed by you?  Are they discouraged sullen, morose (depressed), feeling inferior and frustrated because of you?  Search your heart, are you the problem or a big part of it?  Jesus does deliver.  You’ve heard that “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”.  Trouble is, you’re not an old dog.  You are a child of God, you have the Holy Spirit and you can change with His help. 

THIS IS WHAT A HUMBLE DAD DOES